Hey guys! It’s been nearly complete radio silence on this blog for over 6 months now. I’ve been focused a lot on getting my health back to where it needs to be while also trying to stay active with my social accounts (Facebook and Instagram) to keep myself accountable. That’s been pretty good for me, actually. It’s given me an outlet for my frustrations and allowed me to watch my growth and progress in this journey.
Over the last few months, I’ve given myself the opportunity to heal from many things. After being formally diagnosed with H. Pylori & GERD in late January, I had difficulty coping with the effects that turmoiled my body for the months that followed. In June, I switched doctors, finished a round of medication and, on June 28, FINALLY tested negative for the infection. I was relieved, to say the least.
In the midst of all that, I began to sign myself up for 5K runs to help distract myself from the pain my body was in. When I last wrote here, I’d just completed my third 5K. I was just learning to get back into the routine of exercising. It helped me tremendously. I talk about it a lot, but running/walking has really saved my sanity, especially during times where I wasn’t really certain about my confidence in my life’s journey. And y’all, I MAY have gone a bit overboard in the process. I am fixing to complete my 17th 5K event this Saturday. SEVENTEEN! It’s something that would have been impossible for me a year ago. It’s been such a remarkable experience to cross that finish line each and every time. It makes me feel in control of my body, even if just for a moment. And hey, the medals aren’t half bad either!
In September, I went back the doctor for yearly physical as well as a mental screening. I was formally diagnosed with dysthymia, also known as Persistent Depressive Disorder, or PDD. PDD is a continuous, chronic form of depression, which by definition is less severe than major depressive disorder, but carries symptoms which last much longer. I can’t say I’m surprised by the diagnosis. For several years, I’ve struggled greatly with basic functionality in my life. I have days where I can get up, have an extremely productive work day, then go to the gym and still get a good night’s sleep. Then there’s other days where I struggle to even take a shower or get dressed. I think I hid this pretty well from my family, and for a while, myself. I was in denial and up until the morning of my appointment, I didn’t want to disclose my struggles to my doctor. I was ashamed. I was hurt. How could I, this successful woman who was otherwise healthy and had no reason to be sad, be suffering from depression? That’s crazy! Or at least, that’s how I truly felt. I didn’t tell my family about what was happening, I couldn’t even tell my boyfriend, my best friend, about what was happening. I felt defeated, embarrassed. Looking back, I can see how silly that was. But I know now that I’m not alone & I do have such an incredible support system who have helped keep me afloat on my roughest days. I am blessed beyond measure, and I am slowly becoming able to see that.
But really, I am now 26 years old with a formal diagnosis. I am currently not medicated, because I chose not to be. The doctor did tell me I could try to find alternative outlets in my healing, such as being more active, socializing more often, and taking up a hobby. Also here I am, trying to keep myself occupied with what is seemingly lengthy writing and walking/jogging 5Ks. I’ve tried to be a better friend & reach out more to those around me as well. So far, I feel myself progressing in terms of my emotions. I feel more in control of myself and I know that through all this, I will continue to prosper. I am shaken, but I am not defeated. I will press on, relentless as ever!
As always, I want to thank you all who’ve stuck around through my journey. It’s been a bumpy ride, but I’m still here, still thriving as best I can. Remember to follow my more active socials on Facebook & Instagram and always know that my inboxes are always open! I’m here to be a friend to all who need me, a shoulder to cry on, someone to listen. I know what it’s like to feel alone & I wouldn’t wish that feeling on anyone else.
If you’re feeling particularly generous this holiday season, I’ll leave my links below for you to donate to my 5K Fund! I will always use your donations for running events and/or equipment. I enjoy participating in 5Ks that benefit the local communities as well as other charitable organizations throughout the area. Thanks for always supporting this incredible journey I’m living!
I wanted to include here that the inspiration for my blog, Melissa Vanessa Guy-Murad, crossed into her new life in Heaven on October 16, 2019. Melissa was the first person who approached me about starting A JENuine Journey, and she helped guide me in getting everything started. I so wish I could have thanked her for helping me create not only an accountability system, but for also saving my soul by teaching me to channel everything inside of me into my writing. I am so blessed to have known her, and though she is no longer with us physically, her #HealingHumanity message still lives on through her husband, children, and all those who loved her along the way. Her husband continues to post excerpts of her life on Earth through her Facebook page. Here’s an excerpt from a recent post that I’d like to share with you:
“When we realize how small and infinite we are. We rise. Spiritually. We are all that becomes nothing until we are again. Evilness isn’t evilness. It’s fake. It’s a test. How will you react?! Will the universe see you through?! Will God hold your hand?! God will.”
May 25, 2017
I’m thankful for the short time I got to know Melissa. I’m blessed to have known her infectious love & passion. She was someone extraordinary. Too pure for this world. ❤️