“F-E-A-R has two meanings:
‘Forget Everything and Run,’ or, ‘Face Everything and Rise.’
The choice is yours.”
Hey everyone. Sorry that it’s been awhile. I’ve been working on some new material while simultaneously working through some personal issues. It’s been a rough few weeks of trying to find myself and try to hold myself together to help those around me as well.
So let’s get down to business. (…to defeat the Huns… no? Just me?)
Anyway, I’ve been spending a lot of time reconsidering the path my life is currently on. Not just in regards to my job and finances, but in my spiritual journey as well. I noticed recently that I have allowed many outside influences determine the decisions I make for myself & my wellbeing. Instead of worrying about me, I get too strung out on helping others & often times, I am left suffering alone.
Now, before you jump to conclusions, (and you probably already did, I know…) this is not to say that anyone or anything has burdened me. No, not at all. However, I have a knack for taking care of everyone and everything (I call it my inner “Momma Jen”) and forget that I also need to be taken care of. For example, I may miss a meal in order to provide for someone else, or I may get so emotionally invested in someone else’s situation that I shut down and don’t open up for a couple days because my own demons decided to come out and play.
But I love to help others. I’ve always been the type. I would rather give than receive. But, there is something that has always held me back from really pursuing my passions… fear.
Fear has held me back from many things in my life. For example, I’m nearly 25 & I never learned how to ride a bike without training wheels. I know, why don’t I just learn now? Eh, it’s not quite that easy. You see, as a child, I think my fear was deep-rooted in the fact that I took many painful falls as a child, but one in particular off a bed that subsequently resulted in seven stitches to my head. I was simply scared to fall. Not having one (or both) of my feet touching the ground was a terrifying thought. And more so, being a chunky kid didn’t help, as I wasn’t as athletic as most kids my age. And so, I never learned. I was the fat girl who didn’t play sports, couldn’t ride a bike, and grew up scared of a whole lot of stuff; heights, roller coasters, cockroaches, and failure are just a few off the top of my head.
But here’s the thing, those fears are common. But facing them a little at a time has made it easier. Prime example, my fear of heights. Growing up in the Rio Grande Valley obviously didn’t prepare me for heights in any way, shape or form. The land is perpetually flat, and that’s where I preferred to stay: on the ground. I’d never had the courage to do anything that required me to go too high off the ground. Even ferris wheels were pushing it for me. But at 22 years old, my brother put me on a plane to Las Vegas. And it was exhilarating. We went up at night, and seeing the lights while feeling that fluttering feeling in my stomach was just incredible. I don’t even know how to explain what I felt. And it wasn’t until we flew back during daylight that I was really able to appreciate the beauty of the world below and how I couldn’t believe I was actually this high off the ground and still alive. While in Vegas, we went up into the Stratosphere & were able to see the true beauty of the city from up above. I felt like I was on top of the world. And I guess I sort of was in that moment. It’s something I’ll never forget, because it made me realize maybe being so high up wasn’t as bad as I anticipated. I was simply afraid of something I’d never tried. Of course, that doesn’t mean that trying something will just make you get over your fear. Oh no, sometimes it isn’t that easy. Like roller coasters, they did not appeal to me one bit neither before or after I rode one. I don’t know if I could ever do it again to be honest. It was absolutely terrifying for me.
L-R (1-3): Pictures from my plane ride home; Far right: My view from atop the Stratosphere
Conquering my fear of heights gave me a sense of accomplishment. For a long time, I felt like I hadn’t accomplished much. Often times, I still feel that way. But I’ve learned to focus my energy in positivity as often as I can to avoid wallowing in the negative. Like yes, I flunked out of college, (more than once) but in those collegiate endeavors, I found some of the closest friends, and even found myself in the process. I learned to love myself & how to live with no regrets. I especially learned how to become a woman who is both poised but can also be outspoken when it comes to her passions. I’ve learned not to take shit from anyone, and because of that, I’ve lost a lot of people in my life. It took me a long time to realize that I didn’t need that negativity in my life.
Recently, my brothers and I took a plunge and decided to take a trip together later in the year. It happened so fast, but we decided if this trip was going to benefit even one of our wellbeing, then we were all in. So we did it! And I hope that’s something I get to share with you all in the coming months. But anyway, back to my main point. We decided to take this trip, not just to travel, but to benefit our happiness. For one brother, this means getting on a plane for the first time, for the other, it means introducing us to something new, and for me? Well for me, this impulsive trip means that I will finally get to tackle some new adventures. I used to hate spontaneity, but now, it’s become one of my best qualities.
And so, we come full-circle back to our quote… we can either forget everything and run, or we face everything and rise. Here’s to facing adversity, setbacks, and defeats with a smile on my face. For as many times as I fall, I plan to get back up so long as I still can. I’ve said it before & I’ll say it again: only place to go from rock bottom is up! And with that, I pursue on to new adventures and experiences… with absolutely no fear!
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